Are we going too far with gentle parenting that we are actually being
so judgemental on others behaviour because it doesn't fit with our own
ideas?
Or are we just completely speechless
that 8 week olds are being sleep trained and instead of giving a baby
cuddles they are made to cry and cry and cry...
it breaks my heart even thinking about it.
I
really do think about this a lot. Because my playgroup is for the more
gentle parenting side & sometimes we get on the conversation of some
of these things, that are often controversial.
To
be frank, I don't understand how someone can let their baby cry, even
in fear that their baby will 'always be attached if I cuddle them to
sleep' or 'they'll never leave the family bed'.
All babies are so different and I do believe that from day 1 attachment is so important.
However
I then do understand that not everyone has grown up with an attachment
parenting parent and may not be touchy feely and really know what to do
with a baby that won't stop crying.
Being a
parent is tough, there's NO doubt about it....but how far do we go when
we are stepping into dangerous 'judgemental' territory?
I
saw a woman write up the other day on a facebook page I am on, that her
11 week old just wouldn't stop crying. Why? He had slept SO well for
the past 11 weeks! She was really shocked & had taken to letting him
cry it out, because to me it seemed she had no idea what else to do.
At
first I was shocked, I demand fed & I picked my baby up when she
cried, I did not let her cry at that age. I let her know that she
probably needed to give him a cuddle. 11 weeks is a tough age and if
he's suddenly come out of a really 'good run of sleep' then he might be
going through a wonder week, learning lots of new things - like being
able to adjust his eyes to see things clearer - or a whole bunch of
other new things, he could be teething as some babies do teeth at that
age, he could just be having a growth spurt.
I
really do feel like I have to tell people of my experience because I
often feel like the idea is that if you start a habit that's it, the
baby will NEVER ever forget that habit and you'll be forced to do the
same thing over and over.
I got lucky for
some reason. My daughter at the age of about 4 months had a crazy growth
spurt, I remember it well. I lost my mind, had a few meltdowns and was
so sleep deprived it was insane. I begged for sleep.
My daughter still fed every 4 hours at that stage, so every night I still got up for her feed & it was TOUGH.
Now
for some reason (once again i have NO answers) but she started sleeping
through the night at 6.5 months. We were away for Christmas when she
turned 6 months & I decided it was a good time to start solids as I
was with my parents & they could help out. We were only feeding her
avocado once a day.
Now at Christmas it was
HARD. Lily would NOT nap without being cuddles, sung to for HOURS upon
HOURS, we tried to take her in the pram for walks to get her to sleep,
the whole week away for Christmas was HELLISH.
Then
she calmed down again. She started sleeping better & would often
unsettle but we could go into her room, put a dummy in her mouth and
she'd settle back down, granted that this was about 5 times a night.
From
starting solids it started a whole issue with her tummy. Her digestive
system was getting constipated, so she was pooing old poo and it HURT.
She strained SO hard. We took her to a chiro to get some help & a
kineseologist and he gave us some natural vitamins to help her balance
her bacteria and voula no kidding in 2 weeks she was 10000% and that has
not changed.
But the whole tummy thing -
caused a whole new issue with sleep. She'd wake up with gas, be rolling
around in pain, wouldn't go down, we'd be walking her EVERY night to get
her to sleep, but as soon as we'd put her down she'd wake up.
Then
we had her on a floor bed as she'd ROLL and ROLL herself into the cot.
The floor bed was PERFECT for the 2 months we had her on it & then
it turned into chilly chilly winter & she was waking up A LOT and
probably quite cold, so my dad suggested we put her back in the cot as
it's higher & hot air rises, so we did.
At
10/11 months, as soon as we had her in the cot, she had 2 weeks of
HELLISH sleep, as in night wakings for feeds, 4am wakeups, dodgy naps,
then suddenly 6 nights she slept soundly. She didn't MOVE in her sleep,
her wakeups went from 4am to 7:30am, her bedtime moved, her lunch moved,
her dinner moved, ALL BY HERSELF.
I did
NOTHING. I just went by her cue. She has had a routine since about 6
months when she had her hip brace off, of dinner - bath - bed. That all
moved. Everything has moved, she sleeps 7:30-8pm to 7:15-7:30am everyday
now. I did nothing.
She also decided that
she didn't need her dummy for her naps & just needed it at night, we
did not decide that. Kane literally just realised she was spitting it
out & didn't give it to her and she'd nod off by herself.
Sometimes she still needs to be rocked, sometimes she can settle herself in her cot.
Sometimes she unsettles, but honestly, I can put her down at the moment and she will sleep deeply for 12 hours.
I actually get judged for the fact my daughter sleeps overnight, like not kidding you. By mothers whose toddlers still aren't sleeping through and need a feed. I just reply "Well I have no answers because I did nothing different to you" But I feel a little deflated, why can't my baby sleep through the night without being judged? I didn't force her to do anything, she just decided she was ready, for whatever reason, there IS no answer. I think they feel sometimes this gentle parenting label they have given themselves is the reason, that's not true either. It's the difference of the baby as an individual.
I
think BLW is fantastic because you go by the babies cue SOLELY, you
trust that they can spit out their food, they know how full they are and
they eat what they want and how much they want & I do the same with
Lily all the time, it's all on her. I've NEVER forced her into a
routine - except we do the dinner - bath - bed one because she LOVES the
bath! and it helps wash dinner off her haha
I have NO answers
and it could change any second, except she did it ALL herself, because
she KNOWS what she needs & out of all the judgements and gentle
parenting and other labels people use. & I think more people should
trust THEMSELVES and their instincts & their babies instincts when
it comes to parenting.
