Monday, December 6, 2010
Intro
I honestly thought everything thought like I did. I was wrong. The chaotic thoughts in my head proved this wrong. One day I felt one way, the next another, unable to understand the previous thought that had existed. I convinced myself that I felt this way. Was this the ego coming to play? Was this able to be changed? This is my journey and how I dealt with a chaotic mind.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Monday, November 29, 2010
Anxiety... not just mental.
Every day I find it harder and harder to actually try to stop my intellect from taking over. I find it harder and harder to be able to just feel, be, without thinking. This will get easier, I know Mother Earth is just tuning and tuning and we will eventually feel at a state of unity consciousness.
Today I had immense anxiety. I had to see a job capacity assessor and they would work out how capable I was to work. I find this interesting. As a person who has suffered from anxiety and depression for 11 years, making me go to one of these kind of "meetings" is the most nerve racking events in my life. I feel instantly judged and almost humiliated, weak and embarrassed. Those are common feelings/emotions that come with anxiety. It's hard enough for me to leave the house some days, let alone be assessed on how work able you are.
So, I was telling the assessor that I was willing to work, I want to work, I want to get to a point where I can work again. I don't want to live like this. This is my most non-favourite way of living. I went through 2 years of being able to not worry about feeling like this and it has only recently come back.
A few months ago I was in chronic back pain. I did not realise then that it was in fact my anxiety that was causing this. Today when I was having severe panic attacks, almost to the point that I couldn't breathe, my muscles tensed up so hard that I was in incredible body pain. Not only that but I lost my appetite and my stomach felt hard. I have been in incredible physical and emotional pain today. Just because I had to go to an appointment.
That is how crippling anxiety can be. Not just mentally, but physically.
Today I had immense anxiety. I had to see a job capacity assessor and they would work out how capable I was to work. I find this interesting. As a person who has suffered from anxiety and depression for 11 years, making me go to one of these kind of "meetings" is the most nerve racking events in my life. I feel instantly judged and almost humiliated, weak and embarrassed. Those are common feelings/emotions that come with anxiety. It's hard enough for me to leave the house some days, let alone be assessed on how work able you are.
So, I was telling the assessor that I was willing to work, I want to work, I want to get to a point where I can work again. I don't want to live like this. This is my most non-favourite way of living. I went through 2 years of being able to not worry about feeling like this and it has only recently come back.
A few months ago I was in chronic back pain. I did not realise then that it was in fact my anxiety that was causing this. Today when I was having severe panic attacks, almost to the point that I couldn't breathe, my muscles tensed up so hard that I was in incredible body pain. Not only that but I lost my appetite and my stomach felt hard. I have been in incredible physical and emotional pain today. Just because I had to go to an appointment.
That is how crippling anxiety can be. Not just mentally, but physically.
Mother Earth is changing, get ready for it!
There is something stirring on the planet that is big, it is growing in numbers everyday and is changing the way we live with Mother Earth forever. It is so important to be seeing this side of the Shift, because too often it is just too easy to subscribe, again, to the drag, the angst that lies in making big changes. And are we making changes?! Ah, well just the most important one in the entire existence of humanity on planet earth..
es, the time frame that we are in now, the golden window, is an opportunity to walk into the new reality with ease and confidence. This time is the start of the 7th day that the Maya speak of so eloquently. In the first part of this day, that lasts a little over a year, it is relatively easy to step into the lighter form or way of looking at the world and how we can 'fix' or change our collective future. This knowledge is now being used, big-time. What better time than Now to get involved in collective efforts that work from intention, that come from the heart and are aimed at unity or unconditional love.
Unity consciousness... It is that word that sort of means a lot, but we have not fully embraced it, yet. Some are still objecting to it from an intellectual point of view, because it just doesn't make sense... Well, that's the tricky part of shifting consciousness, the new unity perception of reality is not sense, it is being. It is not thinking from the brain, it is feeling, or better even, dreaming from the heart.
Is it fair to say that we could all agree that the mind does not fully understand this unity yet. No wonder that it doesn't. The mind / brain operates on this perceptional level called duality. Good and bad, love and hate, truth or false. Yes, that need to judge, label and distinguish things in order to get through life. How could you dualize unity?
Fortunately people intuitively know, because it is part of the remembrance process, that work or involvement on the level of unity, transcends all levels of our current polarity consciousness and might possibly be an answer to our collective situation on planet earth. Surely the polarity solutions we have tried over the last 50 years haven't done any good, we're still sliding downhill with no brakes on the car.
It is a bit of a mind wrap at first, but putting our self in a state of unity awareness or feeling, creates a state of being where there is no debate, there is no judgment. In that place we need to change nothing, do nothing different, be nothing different, we simply are. Though the mind does not really like that last idea neither, if you do this sincerely from within your heart, you will get an experience that is so real, so good, it allows you to experience that state of being. That is unity. It is that feeling of shivers across your back, your hairs tightening on your head, goosebumps and electrifying vibrations running through your body. Something energetically is happening and it is real, your head cannot deny it.
Now, the following is the part where the brain says, "aaaah..I think I get it.". When we collectively all start doing this; moving from our duality brainset into our unity heart, and thousands all over the world are rising to their feet with this, than we collectively shift away from war, from hate, from greed. Then with that knowing fully about the 100th Monkey Effect and how conscious intend affects reality for the collective, we might just be witnessing one miracle after the other; bang, bang, bang, peace here, peace there, real healing of peoples life's here, real healing of nations and peoples there.
This is the step we have to make. From the head, duality, into the heart, into unity. It seems irrational, illogical, but if you really listen to that feeling inside, you know this works, your heart has always known this. The Hopi, the Maya, they all say the same thing: The longest journey man will ever make, is from his head back to his heart.
The 7th day has started and this window you're in now is the time to do this work with much greater ease than when you wait another year, let us suggest that that is perhaps why you have just read this.
Life is amazing. Embrace.
Posted by Para PachaMama - Spirit of Earth
http://parapachamama.blogspot.com/
es, the time frame that we are in now, the golden window, is an opportunity to walk into the new reality with ease and confidence. This time is the start of the 7th day that the Maya speak of so eloquently. In the first part of this day, that lasts a little over a year, it is relatively easy to step into the lighter form or way of looking at the world and how we can 'fix' or change our collective future. This knowledge is now being used, big-time. What better time than Now to get involved in collective efforts that work from intention, that come from the heart and are aimed at unity or unconditional love.
Unity consciousness... It is that word that sort of means a lot, but we have not fully embraced it, yet. Some are still objecting to it from an intellectual point of view, because it just doesn't make sense... Well, that's the tricky part of shifting consciousness, the new unity perception of reality is not sense, it is being. It is not thinking from the brain, it is feeling, or better even, dreaming from the heart.
Is it fair to say that we could all agree that the mind does not fully understand this unity yet. No wonder that it doesn't. The mind / brain operates on this perceptional level called duality. Good and bad, love and hate, truth or false. Yes, that need to judge, label and distinguish things in order to get through life. How could you dualize unity?
Fortunately people intuitively know, because it is part of the remembrance process, that work or involvement on the level of unity, transcends all levels of our current polarity consciousness and might possibly be an answer to our collective situation on planet earth. Surely the polarity solutions we have tried over the last 50 years haven't done any good, we're still sliding downhill with no brakes on the car.
It is a bit of a mind wrap at first, but putting our self in a state of unity awareness or feeling, creates a state of being where there is no debate, there is no judgment. In that place we need to change nothing, do nothing different, be nothing different, we simply are. Though the mind does not really like that last idea neither, if you do this sincerely from within your heart, you will get an experience that is so real, so good, it allows you to experience that state of being. That is unity. It is that feeling of shivers across your back, your hairs tightening on your head, goosebumps and electrifying vibrations running through your body. Something energetically is happening and it is real, your head cannot deny it.
Now, the following is the part where the brain says, "aaaah..I think I get it.". When we collectively all start doing this; moving from our duality brainset into our unity heart, and thousands all over the world are rising to their feet with this, than we collectively shift away from war, from hate, from greed. Then with that knowing fully about the 100th Monkey Effect and how conscious intend affects reality for the collective, we might just be witnessing one miracle after the other; bang, bang, bang, peace here, peace there, real healing of peoples life's here, real healing of nations and peoples there.
This is the step we have to make. From the head, duality, into the heart, into unity. It seems irrational, illogical, but if you really listen to that feeling inside, you know this works, your heart has always known this. The Hopi, the Maya, they all say the same thing: The longest journey man will ever make, is from his head back to his heart.
The 7th day has started and this window you're in now is the time to do this work with much greater ease than when you wait another year, let us suggest that that is perhaps why you have just read this.
Life is amazing. Embrace.
Posted by Para PachaMama - Spirit of Earth
http://parapachamama.blogspot.com/
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Love.
“I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep your eyes close.” Pablo Neruda
Friday, November 26, 2010
RECONNECT
Have a teaspoon of cement and break some teeth ;0)
The saying harden the fuck up does not resolve issues. How about every unrealistically opinionated person full of assumptions learn the rule of "it is best to remain silent and to be thought a fool". You really want to forget humanity and become numbed by the world that is based on commercialism and capitalism, the main cause of ignorance, arrogance and selfishly deluded opinions. I only discovered this the other day when i watched on as police officers helped a young pregnant woman after she was beaten and robbed of her savings. I went and asked if she was ok, but nobody else did, they just walked on by. The public have this stupid thought that "Oh the police will sort it out, we do not need to intervene, people should harden the fuck up".
Err, problem, numbing society to "Harden the fuck up" leads to "not giving a shit". People have become disconnected from each other and the earth and nobody gives a fuck. Partners abusing trust because theyre numb to their own emotions and lose the art of loyalty and attentiveness and not giving a shit about if they cheat or not all for the sake of "Harden the fuck up" Oh it wont bother him/her, they will never find out, oh well if he/she does find out, he/she should harden the fuck up... That pregnant woman, if she loses her baby from the injuries sustained, she should get over it and harden the fuck up, theres counsellors for that shit and nobody needs to know whats "really going on" coz theyve got there own boring hardened the fuck up lives to deal with.
See a pattern forming here? Stop, listen, dont assume you've been through worse, sought reason through asking instead of "fuck i know what theyre thinking and I know the reason why theyre doing that"... Because 90% assumptions are wrong and cause unwanted negativity and conflict...
Humanities real meaning is dissipating. Cant anybody see that?
People need to reconnect, because theyre all losing their humane values and zest for life...
Jase
My add on to said rant:
I think it's interesting because there was so much "free love" in the 70s and then our parents generation really lost a lot of their emotion. So even before the internet began there was a loss of emotion. I know from my own experiences that my grandparents clearly suffered from depression yet never spoke about it. We know from how we feel these days, that internalising that pain for so long, hurts more than anything. So how did our grandparents feel? Having to go off to war, living through a time when there was so much abuse of power and greed. Not even knowing if their country will exist tomorrow. That's a scary thing to grow up with. My grandma was still in school when WW2 happened and was forced to carry a disabled child on her back into a bunker. She tells me how she was playing in the fields in Faversham when fighter jets came past and shot through them, luckily missing them. But what a scary time to live in. Then there's 'Nam... and I don't need to say much about 'Nam... a bullshit war that just showed American arrogance, which Australians became conscripted to fight in and then treated like shit after they came home and "tried to fit back into society". So the generations before us went through a totally different time. They were told to harden the fuck up. Our generations are different. We're a whole lot of new free love. We're about wanting for acceptance, wanting to be ourselves, wanting to be allowed to be who we want to be. There are still people of our generation who can't just chill and not push this onto other people, but it is becoming less and less. We haven't seen war in a sense, we just have a mighty incoming technological age that has turned us into zombies. One thing that has to teach anyone, is turn your bloody computer off, stop trying to connect with people online, and go say hi to your neighbour, or smile as much as you can to the people around you. Don't be so serious all of the time, stop taking everything everyone says so literal, there is often different meanings. Not everyone will want to be your friend, and that is OK. Not everyone is meant to be friends. Not everyone will get on. If we can accept this, we can live in a more harmonious environment with those that we do get on with. Our generation are missing a huge gap with love for the earth. We are all about throwing out anything we can, not recycling, littering, being lazy, sitting on our asses and over consuming. We have had Maccas and HJ's and KFC on our doorsteps. Our parents never had that. Most of the time our parents had to eat lamb brains and such for meat. They didn't have the extravagance that we have. Our generation need to be more understanding of the earth and how Gaia is connected to us. We are more connected to the earth than anyone may think. Being constructed on a basis where emotion is not your first connection with people, you are often quite robotic and this can come from issues with people in the past. One thing people forget is that everyone has childhood baggage, and we need to work through this. EVERYONE. You are not the only one as much as you may think so. Be more loving, be more accepting, be more connected. Be as one.
Peace out Rach
The saying harden the fuck up does not resolve issues. How about every unrealistically opinionated person full of assumptions learn the rule of "it is best to remain silent and to be thought a fool". You really want to forget humanity and become numbed by the world that is based on commercialism and capitalism, the main cause of ignorance, arrogance and selfishly deluded opinions. I only discovered this the other day when i watched on as police officers helped a young pregnant woman after she was beaten and robbed of her savings. I went and asked if she was ok, but nobody else did, they just walked on by. The public have this stupid thought that "Oh the police will sort it out, we do not need to intervene, people should harden the fuck up".
Err, problem, numbing society to "Harden the fuck up" leads to "not giving a shit". People have become disconnected from each other and the earth and nobody gives a fuck. Partners abusing trust because theyre numb to their own emotions and lose the art of loyalty and attentiveness and not giving a shit about if they cheat or not all for the sake of "Harden the fuck up" Oh it wont bother him/her, they will never find out, oh well if he/she does find out, he/she should harden the fuck up... That pregnant woman, if she loses her baby from the injuries sustained, she should get over it and harden the fuck up, theres counsellors for that shit and nobody needs to know whats "really going on" coz theyve got there own boring hardened the fuck up lives to deal with.
See a pattern forming here? Stop, listen, dont assume you've been through worse, sought reason through asking instead of "fuck i know what theyre thinking and I know the reason why theyre doing that"... Because 90% assumptions are wrong and cause unwanted negativity and conflict...
Humanities real meaning is dissipating. Cant anybody see that?
People need to reconnect, because theyre all losing their humane values and zest for life...
Jase
My add on to said rant:
I think it's interesting because there was so much "free love" in the 70s and then our parents generation really lost a lot of their emotion. So even before the internet began there was a loss of emotion. I know from my own experiences that my grandparents clearly suffered from depression yet never spoke about it. We know from how we feel these days, that internalising that pain for so long, hurts more than anything. So how did our grandparents feel? Having to go off to war, living through a time when there was so much abuse of power and greed. Not even knowing if their country will exist tomorrow. That's a scary thing to grow up with. My grandma was still in school when WW2 happened and was forced to carry a disabled child on her back into a bunker. She tells me how she was playing in the fields in Faversham when fighter jets came past and shot through them, luckily missing them. But what a scary time to live in. Then there's 'Nam... and I don't need to say much about 'Nam... a bullshit war that just showed American arrogance, which Australians became conscripted to fight in and then treated like shit after they came home and "tried to fit back into society". So the generations before us went through a totally different time. They were told to harden the fuck up. Our generations are different. We're a whole lot of new free love. We're about wanting for acceptance, wanting to be ourselves, wanting to be allowed to be who we want to be. There are still people of our generation who can't just chill and not push this onto other people, but it is becoming less and less. We haven't seen war in a sense, we just have a mighty incoming technological age that has turned us into zombies. One thing that has to teach anyone, is turn your bloody computer off, stop trying to connect with people online, and go say hi to your neighbour, or smile as much as you can to the people around you. Don't be so serious all of the time, stop taking everything everyone says so literal, there is often different meanings. Not everyone will want to be your friend, and that is OK. Not everyone is meant to be friends. Not everyone will get on. If we can accept this, we can live in a more harmonious environment with those that we do get on with. Our generation are missing a huge gap with love for the earth. We are all about throwing out anything we can, not recycling, littering, being lazy, sitting on our asses and over consuming. We have had Maccas and HJ's and KFC on our doorsteps. Our parents never had that. Most of the time our parents had to eat lamb brains and such for meat. They didn't have the extravagance that we have. Our generation need to be more understanding of the earth and how Gaia is connected to us. We are more connected to the earth than anyone may think. Being constructed on a basis where emotion is not your first connection with people, you are often quite robotic and this can come from issues with people in the past. One thing people forget is that everyone has childhood baggage, and we need to work through this. EVERYONE. You are not the only one as much as you may think so. Be more loving, be more accepting, be more connected. Be as one.
Peace out Rach
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Untitled Poem 26/11/10
When you feel so bad you don't want to live,
remember that theres plenty more to give,
just because,
doctors want you to take the medication,
doesn't mean thats the only kind of education,
sometimes...
you just need laughs,,
and you just need smiles
someone who will listen,
someone who is there just to care for a while...
with all those thoughts swimming round your head,
not sure if you want to be alive or dead?
how do you decide?
why is it hard to decide?
life doesn't have to be that hard,
try to push down that guard,
live your life like there's no tomorrow,
don't be kept down with heavy sorrow.
there's more to living, like being yourself,
there's more to people, than the outside facade,
there's more to life, than waking up sad,
so stop making life seem so bad!
Be happy for who you are,
be happy for who you will be,
be happy for what you stand for,
most of all be happy for who stands by you.
remember that theres plenty more to give,
just because,
doctors want you to take the medication,
doesn't mean thats the only kind of education,
sometimes...
you just need laughs,,
and you just need smiles
someone who will listen,
someone who is there just to care for a while...
with all those thoughts swimming round your head,
not sure if you want to be alive or dead?
how do you decide?
why is it hard to decide?
life doesn't have to be that hard,
try to push down that guard,
live your life like there's no tomorrow,
don't be kept down with heavy sorrow.
there's more to living, like being yourself,
there's more to people, than the outside facade,
there's more to life, than waking up sad,
so stop making life seem so bad!
Be happy for who you are,
be happy for who you will be,
be happy for what you stand for,
most of all be happy for who stands by you.
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