Progressive parenting or the same as the past generations? How do we change anything up when society is still driven by money?

I hurt my ankle yesterday and it has a nice egg on it, quite painful and stiff. By some kind of miracle my daughter has woken up without sickness which we are surprised about considering her coughing and congestion last night. But it means she can actually go to childcare with daddy this morning and I can finally have some rest time. I really thought I'd be hobbling around after her today. As I can't go to uni like I usually do on a Wednesday as I am down to a slow hobble and don't want to make it worse and neglect myself altogether, I have realised I don't even know how to rest anymore. It's like adrenalin is all I run on these days. I'm so used to just running around doing everything & so is my partner, it's really odd for both of us that I'm next to useless as walking is such a task.

He's finding it hard to adapt as we're used to a certain routine and that's basically me running after our daughter and he works. It's amazing the things you get used to as a family & as a mother and even just sitting for 5 minutes feels like you're wasting precious time! Its hard though, I need ONE day to rest & it almost seems too hard for the other half, like he's more afraid of being late to work because he has to drop bub off at childcare so I can just rest as we have no-one that can help us at a time like this. It's amazing how dedicated he can be to his job, but when it comes to his family, it's just expected I just do everything right? Because that's what has always happened? I think it's really sad that making money and not being able to just tell your boss that your partner has hurt herself and therefore he had to do the childcare drop off is not a valid excuse? It's really bizarre that as a society we would rather a person put their EMPLOYMENT over their family because that's what is drummed into us. I've experienced it and been frightened to call in sick before. Why is this kind of fear driven in workplaces? Wouldn't you rather an employee be honest, and not be driven to lie because of fear of being berated for being unable to go to work? Nope! Just be here on time always or else! It's also the industry he works in, no time off is really allowed at all. If he is sick he goes, if he is expected to do 70 hr weeks he goes, no matter what. I've been on the brink of meltdown and he has gone to work, because theres NO excuses for having time off.

Are we any forward than past generations? We try to be, but it still feels like we're on our own because we should just be able to do it, do everything. There's no doubt my other half is incredible, he is actually VERY supportive, he tries so hard to be the best dad and partner that he can and he slips sometimes just like we all do (a little less than me because I am the primary carer of a little one who needs me 24/7) but he slips gradually, I just use all my adrenalin and then meltdown quickly and gruesomely.

Unfortunately it feels like it's always when I need him the most because he finds it hard to understand empathy due to not learning empathy as a child, thanks to his parents who have no ability of compassion or caring, I've had to slowly teach him these things. I know that I can't just get around like I was doing when I've hurt myself, but when he is sick I dote on him with all of my maternal ways. He is oblivious (he's admitted it) and just keeps going on going the way we were. I am physically hurt and he still couldn't come home and be completely selfless and say Okay go rest Ill look after bubs because he was so exhausted from work. (He just did a 70 hr week) He fell asleep while watching her (I was in the room too) He does the best job he can do with what he's got. He has spent hours and hours trying to settle her when she just wants her mum. It's difficult.
How are we any different? We try to be so progressive, we try so hard to be different and better, but someone has to make the money, someone has to be the primary carer. If I wasn't breastfeeding I KNOW my other half would be  feeding her as much as he could. It just kind of becomes MY role and she becomes my SOLE responsibility because he has to have his head and mind on work and 1000 other things as well as the house and cleaning and making sure I'm happy. In the end I actually wonder whether it's HARDER for him because he not only has to work crazy hours but he has to come home and help me do things I couldn't do during the day because of grumpy/teething/velcro/sick baby sometimes I just can't get things done.
The only way we could POSSIBLY live the life WE WANT is to ditch the jobs, and live on a commune. But I crave learning and crave interactions and he craves his hobbies and work so we have to live in a house with electricity, for these things to happen.
Somehow we need to find our middleground.
We are getting there. I think everytime we have a grievance we are getting there. Today my little girl got off to childcare just fine even though she slept in late, other half had eaten her yoghurt without realising it was hers, she wanted to feed right before the bus came, he missed the bus but he STILL got her to childcare on time and is well on his way to work. SO it does work out if you keep on going and don't let the negative get you down (something I have to remind myself everyday) because those thoughts are NOT serving you any good.

Note to self: Slow down or you're going to burn out in the worst way and then you're no help to anyone! Yes there are dishes in the sink, yes there is 3 loads of clean clothes to go away in the cupboard, yes the floor needs vacuuming, but all of that can wait. I'm on hiatus (for the day)

26 june 2013 at 1:49am lily beth allan..

I forgot to post!! I have been so busy! We had our baby girl on 26 june 2013 at 1:49am lily beth allan..she is incredible.

Dreams come true.

It was my dream,
To have you.
And now you grow everyday,
My dream came true.

And now…..I cant wait to meet you.

Xx

38 weeks - baby still in there!

Just had a nice hot bath and had a chat to lily. Letting her know whenever shes ready I am ready :)
I told her I can't wait to meet her and of course everyone else is excited too! Like her granny and grandpa (my parents) and her uncles and her daddy and her aunty loz and uncle jimmy! and when i mentioned my uncle and the page family i had this feeling of that she has met them before. it was super awesome. I love talking to her, shes my favourite everything :)
I honestly can't wait to meet her :)

Pregnancy is hard! :)

No matter how uncomfortable i am, the fact i get up 1000x to pee , my hips feel like chicken wishbones being pulled apart, i have a mad waddle going on, i have to huff and puff to do everything or how many times i just want it over.
I also feel so blessed that I have the ability to carry a child, i think how incredible this body of mine is, how incredible my bond has grown with my fiancé, how much it has changed us for the better, how amazing the reward will be and i forget all the shitty stuff, to me none of that matters.
I want to cherish every elbow jab, every hiccup, every squirm my baby does, because very soon I wont feel it anymore and what a special experience it is :) I’m bonding with my baby everyday, how beautiful :)

(For my) Parents.

You brought me into this world,
taught me everything I needed to know to survive.
It's amazing how close I feel to you,
That feeling, where you don't have to pretend,
that I feel so often with others.
Just being myself,
the highs and lows no longer matter,
you are proud of them both.
that for me is the best feeling in the world.

Your strength keeps me going,
and your words are my strength.
Your positive nature keeps me grounded,
and your energy is my thriving force.
Your nurture helps me grow,
and your hugs are my home.

You are the significant part of my life.
You shaped me, with allowing me to stray,
constant support, without asserting control.
Your guidance was second to none, and I am so thankful,
and now we have a closeness, that I'd only dreamed about.

Thankyou for your unconditional love xx

32 weeks - heading into 33 weeks!

This weekend my parents came over. Kane was working for 3 days straight over it so we just hung out. Thursday arvo they came over and I showed them what I had so far for the baby and they had brought over the change table and some other gifts I received at the baby shower. Dad put the  bouncer I got from my Aunty Wen together.  He also put the change table together and we went shopping. We ended up buying lots for the baby and me it was awesome I love my parents so much! We are so spoilt!

Just some photos from the weekend :)