There is no doubt that parents play a big role in our lives.
Where they are existent in their lives or not, they have at one stage played an important role, even if just in thoughts.
For me,
I have the most beautiful parents.
My parents have had a very traumatic past, with many fights & questioning their own marriage.
Through shift work, having 3 kids, 2 jobs my mum worked to get us through private school.
They definitely did their best, and lately they ARE their best,
Nearing 60 and they are the happiest couple I've ever met because they challenged each other & worked through their issues, because hey who doesn't have issues after being together since they were 15 & 17!
They are now grandparents, and wow the different in their hearts, the happiness I see in their eyes and their smiles is just overwhelming for me.
I am one of the kids who had parents who fought almost constantly in my childhood, especially Mum.
I remember them fighting over bills at night when I was trying to sleep & there's NO doubt before we went ANYWHERE on the weekend there would be a fight. It was hard to deal with as a child & my first poem I ever wrote was regarding the fights I could hear at night.
My bedroom was off the kitchen, lucky me.
It's so funny how different we remember things.
I just asked Mum why I was in that bedroom, as I couldn't remember and she told me I had a choice, I either get the big bedroom or my wardrobe in the smaller bedroom, and I chose my wardrobe!! I didn't remember that at all!
Our childhood was a loving time and to be honest I remember more happy memories than sad ones, and I was never scared of my parents.
But I saw them get really angry, especially Mum and sometimes that was full on.
But we have all grown up.
and now I have a baby, who is 1 in 4 weeks.
I am 30 in 4 weeks,
and life is now so different.
My mum and dad are two of the closest people in my life.
They are both different to the parents they had, my dads parents being very emotionally closed, and my mums parents being loving but closed off at times too.
Whereas my parents are just open ALL the time.
It's very refreshing.
We talk about EVERYTHING & there never has been limits.
At the kitchen table talking about everything from homosexuality to sex to drugs to anything else that might frighten parents, not mine. My dad being in forensics/crime scene in the police force KNEW what life was about, and my mother was living in a reality that was a little paranoid but just being a mother & protective for a reason.
My grandma was a bit shocked at the concept of the things we talked about, but after one of my homosexual friends stayed with us for a few months, we were at the point where before she met Barry she was quite religious and mostly against the idea of homosexuality, found him very charming and energetic and thought he was a 'lovely boy'.
Oh my things change.
My grandma was what these days would be labelled as a 'gentle parent'. She just loved, she loved everyone, she took those into her house who needed a hand, a meal, a hug. She was just the most beautiful soul I've ever had pleasure having in my life.
My Mum is the same person. She is 1000% loving, she will give and care and just be honest & if I need her I can call her and vent & she never judges me and just gives her bit of advice.
The best part of our life as their children & grandchildren has been laughter.
Laughter & sense of humour is a huge part of our life & without it, we would not be the family we are.
When we get together it's just the best fun ever.
Parents are over this weekend, it has been so much fun.
They adore Lily, they adore Kane & they live in our house, they help us clean, they love us, they have fun with us, we feed them & all is merry.
Without them, I would be a boring lifeless person.
They have made me the fiesty, confident, communicative woman I am today.
& I chose them before I even met them, I must have known.
Showing posts with label father. Show all posts
Showing posts with label father. Show all posts
Saturday, May 31, 2014
Tuesday, May 27, 2014
Tuesday, April 8, 2014
Progressive parenting or the same as the past generations? How do we change anything up when society is still driven by money?
I hurt my ankle yesterday and it has a nice egg on it, quite painful
and stiff. By some kind of miracle my daughter has woken up without
sickness which we are surprised about considering her coughing and
congestion last night. But it means she can actually go to childcare
with daddy this morning and I can finally have some rest time. I really
thought I'd be hobbling around after her today. As I can't go to uni
like I usually do on a Wednesday as I am down to a slow hobble and don't
want to make it worse and neglect myself altogether, I have realised I
don't even know how to rest anymore. It's like adrenalin is all I run on
these days. I'm so used to just running around doing everything &
so is my partner, it's really odd for both of us that I'm next to
useless as walking is such a task.
He's finding it hard to adapt as we're used to a certain routine and that's basically me running after our daughter and he works. It's amazing the things you get used to as a family & as a mother and even just sitting for 5 minutes feels like you're wasting precious time! Its hard though, I need ONE day to rest & it almost seems too hard for the other half, like he's more afraid of being late to work because he has to drop bub off at childcare so I can just rest as we have no-one that can help us at a time like this. It's amazing how dedicated he can be to his job, but when it comes to his family, it's just expected I just do everything right? Because that's what has always happened? I think it's really sad that making money and not being able to just tell your boss that your partner has hurt herself and therefore he had to do the childcare drop off is not a valid excuse? It's really bizarre that as a society we would rather a person put their EMPLOYMENT over their family because that's what is drummed into us. I've experienced it and been frightened to call in sick before. Why is this kind of fear driven in workplaces? Wouldn't you rather an employee be honest, and not be driven to lie because of fear of being berated for being unable to go to work? Nope! Just be here on time always or else! It's also the industry he works in, no time off is really allowed at all. If he is sick he goes, if he is expected to do 70 hr weeks he goes, no matter what. I've been on the brink of meltdown and he has gone to work, because theres NO excuses for having time off.
Are we any forward than past generations? We try to be, but it still feels like we're on our own because we should just be able to do it, do everything. There's no doubt my other half is incredible, he is actually VERY supportive, he tries so hard to be the best dad and partner that he can and he slips sometimes just like we all do (a little less than me because I am the primary carer of a little one who needs me 24/7) but he slips gradually, I just use all my adrenalin and then meltdown quickly and gruesomely.
Unfortunately it feels like it's always when I need him the most because he finds it hard to understand empathy due to not learning empathy as a child, thanks to his parents who have no ability of compassion or caring, I've had to slowly teach him these things. I know that I can't just get around like I was doing when I've hurt myself, but when he is sick I dote on him with all of my maternal ways. He is oblivious (he's admitted it) and just keeps going on going the way we were. I am physically hurt and he still couldn't come home and be completely selfless and say Okay go rest Ill look after bubs because he was so exhausted from work. (He just did a 70 hr week) He fell asleep while watching her (I was in the room too) He does the best job he can do with what he's got. He has spent hours and hours trying to settle her when she just wants her mum. It's difficult.
How are we any different? We try to be so progressive, we try so hard to be different and better, but someone has to make the money, someone has to be the primary carer. If I wasn't breastfeeding I KNOW my other half would be feeding her as much as he could. It just kind of becomes MY role and she becomes my SOLE responsibility because he has to have his head and mind on work and 1000 other things as well as the house and cleaning and making sure I'm happy. In the end I actually wonder whether it's HARDER for him because he not only has to work crazy hours but he has to come home and help me do things I couldn't do during the day because of grumpy/teething/velcro/sick baby sometimes I just can't get things done.
The only way we could POSSIBLY live the life WE WANT is to ditch the jobs, and live on a commune. But I crave learning and crave interactions and he craves his hobbies and work so we have to live in a house with electricity, for these things to happen.
Somehow we need to find our middleground.
We are getting there. I think everytime we have a grievance we are getting there. Today my little girl got off to childcare just fine even though she slept in late, other half had eaten her yoghurt without realising it was hers, she wanted to feed right before the bus came, he missed the bus but he STILL got her to childcare on time and is well on his way to work. SO it does work out if you keep on going and don't let the negative get you down (something I have to remind myself everyday) because those thoughts are NOT serving you any good.
Note to self: Slow down or you're going to burn out in the worst way and then you're no help to anyone! Yes there are dishes in the sink, yes there is 3 loads of clean clothes to go away in the cupboard, yes the floor needs vacuuming, but all of that can wait. I'm on hiatus (for the day)
He's finding it hard to adapt as we're used to a certain routine and that's basically me running after our daughter and he works. It's amazing the things you get used to as a family & as a mother and even just sitting for 5 minutes feels like you're wasting precious time! Its hard though, I need ONE day to rest & it almost seems too hard for the other half, like he's more afraid of being late to work because he has to drop bub off at childcare so I can just rest as we have no-one that can help us at a time like this. It's amazing how dedicated he can be to his job, but when it comes to his family, it's just expected I just do everything right? Because that's what has always happened? I think it's really sad that making money and not being able to just tell your boss that your partner has hurt herself and therefore he had to do the childcare drop off is not a valid excuse? It's really bizarre that as a society we would rather a person put their EMPLOYMENT over their family because that's what is drummed into us. I've experienced it and been frightened to call in sick before. Why is this kind of fear driven in workplaces? Wouldn't you rather an employee be honest, and not be driven to lie because of fear of being berated for being unable to go to work? Nope! Just be here on time always or else! It's also the industry he works in, no time off is really allowed at all. If he is sick he goes, if he is expected to do 70 hr weeks he goes, no matter what. I've been on the brink of meltdown and he has gone to work, because theres NO excuses for having time off.
Are we any forward than past generations? We try to be, but it still feels like we're on our own because we should just be able to do it, do everything. There's no doubt my other half is incredible, he is actually VERY supportive, he tries so hard to be the best dad and partner that he can and he slips sometimes just like we all do (a little less than me because I am the primary carer of a little one who needs me 24/7) but he slips gradually, I just use all my adrenalin and then meltdown quickly and gruesomely.
Unfortunately it feels like it's always when I need him the most because he finds it hard to understand empathy due to not learning empathy as a child, thanks to his parents who have no ability of compassion or caring, I've had to slowly teach him these things. I know that I can't just get around like I was doing when I've hurt myself, but when he is sick I dote on him with all of my maternal ways. He is oblivious (he's admitted it) and just keeps going on going the way we were. I am physically hurt and he still couldn't come home and be completely selfless and say Okay go rest Ill look after bubs because he was so exhausted from work. (He just did a 70 hr week) He fell asleep while watching her (I was in the room too) He does the best job he can do with what he's got. He has spent hours and hours trying to settle her when she just wants her mum. It's difficult.
How are we any different? We try to be so progressive, we try so hard to be different and better, but someone has to make the money, someone has to be the primary carer. If I wasn't breastfeeding I KNOW my other half would be feeding her as much as he could. It just kind of becomes MY role and she becomes my SOLE responsibility because he has to have his head and mind on work and 1000 other things as well as the house and cleaning and making sure I'm happy. In the end I actually wonder whether it's HARDER for him because he not only has to work crazy hours but he has to come home and help me do things I couldn't do during the day because of grumpy/teething/velcro/sick baby sometimes I just can't get things done.
The only way we could POSSIBLY live the life WE WANT is to ditch the jobs, and live on a commune. But I crave learning and crave interactions and he craves his hobbies and work so we have to live in a house with electricity, for these things to happen.
Somehow we need to find our middleground.
We are getting there. I think everytime we have a grievance we are getting there. Today my little girl got off to childcare just fine even though she slept in late, other half had eaten her yoghurt without realising it was hers, she wanted to feed right before the bus came, he missed the bus but he STILL got her to childcare on time and is well on his way to work. SO it does work out if you keep on going and don't let the negative get you down (something I have to remind myself everyday) because those thoughts are NOT serving you any good.
Note to self: Slow down or you're going to burn out in the worst way and then you're no help to anyone! Yes there are dishes in the sink, yes there is 3 loads of clean clothes to go away in the cupboard, yes the floor needs vacuuming, but all of that can wait. I'm on hiatus (for the day)
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