Are we going too far with gentle parenting that we are actually being
so judgemental on others behaviour because it doesn't fit with our own
ideas?
Or are we just completely speechless
that 8 week olds are being sleep trained and instead of giving a baby
cuddles they are made to cry and cry and cry...
it breaks my heart even thinking about it.
I
really do think about this a lot. Because my playgroup is for the more
gentle parenting side & sometimes we get on the conversation of some
of these things, that are often controversial.
To
be frank, I don't understand how someone can let their baby cry, even
in fear that their baby will 'always be attached if I cuddle them to
sleep' or 'they'll never leave the family bed'.
All babies are so different and I do believe that from day 1 attachment is so important.
However
I then do understand that not everyone has grown up with an attachment
parenting parent and may not be touchy feely and really know what to do
with a baby that won't stop crying.
Being a
parent is tough, there's NO doubt about it....but how far do we go when
we are stepping into dangerous 'judgemental' territory?
I
saw a woman write up the other day on a facebook page I am on, that her
11 week old just wouldn't stop crying. Why? He had slept SO well for
the past 11 weeks! She was really shocked & had taken to letting him
cry it out, because to me it seemed she had no idea what else to do.
At
first I was shocked, I demand fed & I picked my baby up when she
cried, I did not let her cry at that age. I let her know that she
probably needed to give him a cuddle. 11 weeks is a tough age and if
he's suddenly come out of a really 'good run of sleep' then he might be
going through a wonder week, learning lots of new things - like being
able to adjust his eyes to see things clearer - or a whole bunch of
other new things, he could be teething as some babies do teeth at that
age, he could just be having a growth spurt.
I
really do feel like I have to tell people of my experience because I
often feel like the idea is that if you start a habit that's it, the
baby will NEVER ever forget that habit and you'll be forced to do the
same thing over and over.
I got lucky for
some reason. My daughter at the age of about 4 months had a crazy growth
spurt, I remember it well. I lost my mind, had a few meltdowns and was
so sleep deprived it was insane. I begged for sleep.
My daughter still fed every 4 hours at that stage, so every night I still got up for her feed & it was TOUGH.
Now
for some reason (once again i have NO answers) but she started sleeping
through the night at 6.5 months. We were away for Christmas when she
turned 6 months & I decided it was a good time to start solids as I
was with my parents & they could help out. We were only feeding her
avocado once a day.
Now at Christmas it was
HARD. Lily would NOT nap without being cuddles, sung to for HOURS upon
HOURS, we tried to take her in the pram for walks to get her to sleep,
the whole week away for Christmas was HELLISH.
Then
she calmed down again. She started sleeping better & would often
unsettle but we could go into her room, put a dummy in her mouth and
she'd settle back down, granted that this was about 5 times a night.
From
starting solids it started a whole issue with her tummy. Her digestive
system was getting constipated, so she was pooing old poo and it HURT.
She strained SO hard. We took her to a chiro to get some help & a
kineseologist and he gave us some natural vitamins to help her balance
her bacteria and voula no kidding in 2 weeks she was 10000% and that has
not changed.
But the whole tummy thing -
caused a whole new issue with sleep. She'd wake up with gas, be rolling
around in pain, wouldn't go down, we'd be walking her EVERY night to get
her to sleep, but as soon as we'd put her down she'd wake up.
Then
we had her on a floor bed as she'd ROLL and ROLL herself into the cot.
The floor bed was PERFECT for the 2 months we had her on it & then
it turned into chilly chilly winter & she was waking up A LOT and
probably quite cold, so my dad suggested we put her back in the cot as
it's higher & hot air rises, so we did.
At
10/11 months, as soon as we had her in the cot, she had 2 weeks of
HELLISH sleep, as in night wakings for feeds, 4am wakeups, dodgy naps,
then suddenly 6 nights she slept soundly. She didn't MOVE in her sleep,
her wakeups went from 4am to 7:30am, her bedtime moved, her lunch moved,
her dinner moved, ALL BY HERSELF.
I did
NOTHING. I just went by her cue. She has had a routine since about 6
months when she had her hip brace off, of dinner - bath - bed. That all
moved. Everything has moved, she sleeps 7:30-8pm to 7:15-7:30am everyday
now. I did nothing.
She also decided that
she didn't need her dummy for her naps & just needed it at night, we
did not decide that. Kane literally just realised she was spitting it
out & didn't give it to her and she'd nod off by herself.
Sometimes she still needs to be rocked, sometimes she can settle herself in her cot.
Sometimes she unsettles, but honestly, I can put her down at the moment and she will sleep deeply for 12 hours.
I actually get judged for the fact my daughter sleeps overnight, like not kidding you. By mothers whose toddlers still aren't sleeping through and need a feed. I just reply "Well I have no answers because I did nothing different to you" But I feel a little deflated, why can't my baby sleep through the night without being judged? I didn't force her to do anything, she just decided she was ready, for whatever reason, there IS no answer. I think they feel sometimes this gentle parenting label they have given themselves is the reason, that's not true either. It's the difference of the baby as an individual.
I
think BLW is fantastic because you go by the babies cue SOLELY, you
trust that they can spit out their food, they know how full they are and
they eat what they want and how much they want & I do the same with
Lily all the time, it's all on her. I've NEVER forced her into a
routine - except we do the dinner - bath - bed one because she LOVES the
bath! and it helps wash dinner off her haha
I have NO answers
and it could change any second, except she did it ALL herself, because
she KNOWS what she needs & out of all the judgements and gentle
parenting and other labels people use. & I think more people should
trust THEMSELVES and their instincts & their babies instincts when
it comes to parenting.
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 11, 2014
Saturday, May 31, 2014
Parents.
There is no doubt that parents play a big role in our lives.
Where they are existent in their lives or not, they have at one stage played an important role, even if just in thoughts.
For me,
I have the most beautiful parents.
My parents have had a very traumatic past, with many fights & questioning their own marriage.
Through shift work, having 3 kids, 2 jobs my mum worked to get us through private school.
They definitely did their best, and lately they ARE their best,
Nearing 60 and they are the happiest couple I've ever met because they challenged each other & worked through their issues, because hey who doesn't have issues after being together since they were 15 & 17!
They are now grandparents, and wow the different in their hearts, the happiness I see in their eyes and their smiles is just overwhelming for me.
I am one of the kids who had parents who fought almost constantly in my childhood, especially Mum.
I remember them fighting over bills at night when I was trying to sleep & there's NO doubt before we went ANYWHERE on the weekend there would be a fight. It was hard to deal with as a child & my first poem I ever wrote was regarding the fights I could hear at night.
My bedroom was off the kitchen, lucky me.
It's so funny how different we remember things.
I just asked Mum why I was in that bedroom, as I couldn't remember and she told me I had a choice, I either get the big bedroom or my wardrobe in the smaller bedroom, and I chose my wardrobe!! I didn't remember that at all!
Our childhood was a loving time and to be honest I remember more happy memories than sad ones, and I was never scared of my parents.
But I saw them get really angry, especially Mum and sometimes that was full on.
But we have all grown up.
and now I have a baby, who is 1 in 4 weeks.
I am 30 in 4 weeks,
and life is now so different.
My mum and dad are two of the closest people in my life.
They are both different to the parents they had, my dads parents being very emotionally closed, and my mums parents being loving but closed off at times too.
Whereas my parents are just open ALL the time.
It's very refreshing.
We talk about EVERYTHING & there never has been limits.
At the kitchen table talking about everything from homosexuality to sex to drugs to anything else that might frighten parents, not mine. My dad being in forensics/crime scene in the police force KNEW what life was about, and my mother was living in a reality that was a little paranoid but just being a mother & protective for a reason.
My grandma was a bit shocked at the concept of the things we talked about, but after one of my homosexual friends stayed with us for a few months, we were at the point where before she met Barry she was quite religious and mostly against the idea of homosexuality, found him very charming and energetic and thought he was a 'lovely boy'.
Oh my things change.
My grandma was what these days would be labelled as a 'gentle parent'. She just loved, she loved everyone, she took those into her house who needed a hand, a meal, a hug. She was just the most beautiful soul I've ever had pleasure having in my life.
My Mum is the same person. She is 1000% loving, she will give and care and just be honest & if I need her I can call her and vent & she never judges me and just gives her bit of advice.
The best part of our life as their children & grandchildren has been laughter.
Laughter & sense of humour is a huge part of our life & without it, we would not be the family we are.
When we get together it's just the best fun ever.
Parents are over this weekend, it has been so much fun.
They adore Lily, they adore Kane & they live in our house, they help us clean, they love us, they have fun with us, we feed them & all is merry.
Without them, I would be a boring lifeless person.
They have made me the fiesty, confident, communicative woman I am today.
& I chose them before I even met them, I must have known.
Where they are existent in their lives or not, they have at one stage played an important role, even if just in thoughts.
For me,
I have the most beautiful parents.
My parents have had a very traumatic past, with many fights & questioning their own marriage.
Through shift work, having 3 kids, 2 jobs my mum worked to get us through private school.
They definitely did their best, and lately they ARE their best,
Nearing 60 and they are the happiest couple I've ever met because they challenged each other & worked through their issues, because hey who doesn't have issues after being together since they were 15 & 17!
They are now grandparents, and wow the different in their hearts, the happiness I see in their eyes and their smiles is just overwhelming for me.
I am one of the kids who had parents who fought almost constantly in my childhood, especially Mum.
I remember them fighting over bills at night when I was trying to sleep & there's NO doubt before we went ANYWHERE on the weekend there would be a fight. It was hard to deal with as a child & my first poem I ever wrote was regarding the fights I could hear at night.
My bedroom was off the kitchen, lucky me.
It's so funny how different we remember things.
I just asked Mum why I was in that bedroom, as I couldn't remember and she told me I had a choice, I either get the big bedroom or my wardrobe in the smaller bedroom, and I chose my wardrobe!! I didn't remember that at all!
Our childhood was a loving time and to be honest I remember more happy memories than sad ones, and I was never scared of my parents.
But I saw them get really angry, especially Mum and sometimes that was full on.
But we have all grown up.
and now I have a baby, who is 1 in 4 weeks.
I am 30 in 4 weeks,
and life is now so different.
My mum and dad are two of the closest people in my life.
They are both different to the parents they had, my dads parents being very emotionally closed, and my mums parents being loving but closed off at times too.
Whereas my parents are just open ALL the time.
It's very refreshing.
We talk about EVERYTHING & there never has been limits.
At the kitchen table talking about everything from homosexuality to sex to drugs to anything else that might frighten parents, not mine. My dad being in forensics/crime scene in the police force KNEW what life was about, and my mother was living in a reality that was a little paranoid but just being a mother & protective for a reason.
My grandma was a bit shocked at the concept of the things we talked about, but after one of my homosexual friends stayed with us for a few months, we were at the point where before she met Barry she was quite religious and mostly against the idea of homosexuality, found him very charming and energetic and thought he was a 'lovely boy'.
Oh my things change.
My grandma was what these days would be labelled as a 'gentle parent'. She just loved, she loved everyone, she took those into her house who needed a hand, a meal, a hug. She was just the most beautiful soul I've ever had pleasure having in my life.
My Mum is the same person. She is 1000% loving, she will give and care and just be honest & if I need her I can call her and vent & she never judges me and just gives her bit of advice.
The best part of our life as their children & grandchildren has been laughter.
Laughter & sense of humour is a huge part of our life & without it, we would not be the family we are.
When we get together it's just the best fun ever.
Parents are over this weekend, it has been so much fun.
They adore Lily, they adore Kane & they live in our house, they help us clean, they love us, they have fun with us, we feed them & all is merry.
Without them, I would be a boring lifeless person.
They have made me the fiesty, confident, communicative woman I am today.
& I chose them before I even met them, I must have known.
Tuesday, May 27, 2014
My "little baby" is quickly approaching 1!
My little baby is now 4 weeks away from her 1st birthday.
Yesterday we bought her some size 1 clothing.
She is growing up sooo quick!
What a gem.
Monday, April 14, 2014
How your life changes.
Its incredible how your life changes once you have a baby.
It is like NOTHING you can imagine.
Even if you've been around babies.
Actually having your own baby, it is YOUR sole responsibility 24/7.
It's an amazing journey of sleep deprivation, stress, abundant cuddles and unconditional love.
It's a bit of a death defying rollercoaster, and in the end of the day I thank goodness for the 'good' hormones that filled me full of love and life when I smelt/saw/heard my baby. Or truth be told, I'd probably exited stage left pretty quickly!
My other half and I decided we would move interstate, not only for career change, but for a 'sea' change. The state we were living in, was for us, unlivable.
So basically it means no immediate support.
I say immediate, because I know my brothers and parents would jump on a plane if we needed them, but there's noone to babysit if we need, or just give us a break so we can clean, we are completely reliant on each other.
This may not sound so bad, but my other half works very intermittetly. So he works LONG hours and LONG weeks sometimes, sometimes little work is available, but that's only a couple days in between and he's often recuperating from such long shifts, so I get help with the little one, but it's on and off.
I appreciate everything he does for our family, we are currenty saving for our wedding and other things in life, so he is working towards our future, which is the most endearing thing a man could do for me, and give me cuddles at night, which I also get. I'm a cancer so I need security, he is giving me this. Our life has been very balanced lately, because I have been making decisions around what I NEED to survive healthily without stress, because the stress IS unnecessary and not needed if we can balance life. WE have been doing a good job so far. He will often get up with the little one if he can in the mornings and give me a little sleep in, even an extra hour sometimes it enough. He will clean if I ask him, or do the dishes or do the washing. He helps out in every way he can in between those big shifts, so he is indeed a fantastic support when we need.
I do miss my mum and dad though. I miss them because I know they'd be here if we needed anything. I know we would be less stressed without them, however would we be as resilient? I do think we need this so that we don't become dependant on them and they are there when we need.
& we get no support from the other half's parents, so that's not even relevant ever.
Some days I feel like I am busting my ass for nothing, but I know that it will all be welcomed and appreciated and I get to wake up with a clean house, or dishes done, or washing done and it hasn's all overflowed and making me stressed. I am getting good sleep now, better at calming myself down. My adrenalin was off the grid for a while, my hormones were really unbalanced just from 8 months of lack of sleep, but getting the little one to drink more water has helped considerably.
My friend had a baby recently, he is only 8 weeks old, sometimes I think I'd love to have another babe close in age, but sometimes the thought frightens me. How would I get ANYTHING done?
We are better off for our life and what it is, I will not regret a single thing.
And hey we get to fly out to see my parents for a week and a half and I'm sure I'll get lots of babysitting!
Everything happens on it's own rhythm and rhyme and the circle of life goes on.
It is like NOTHING you can imagine.
Even if you've been around babies.
Actually having your own baby, it is YOUR sole responsibility 24/7.
It's an amazing journey of sleep deprivation, stress, abundant cuddles and unconditional love.
It's a bit of a death defying rollercoaster, and in the end of the day I thank goodness for the 'good' hormones that filled me full of love and life when I smelt/saw/heard my baby. Or truth be told, I'd probably exited stage left pretty quickly!
My other half and I decided we would move interstate, not only for career change, but for a 'sea' change. The state we were living in, was for us, unlivable.
So basically it means no immediate support.
I say immediate, because I know my brothers and parents would jump on a plane if we needed them, but there's noone to babysit if we need, or just give us a break so we can clean, we are completely reliant on each other.
This may not sound so bad, but my other half works very intermittetly. So he works LONG hours and LONG weeks sometimes, sometimes little work is available, but that's only a couple days in between and he's often recuperating from such long shifts, so I get help with the little one, but it's on and off.
I appreciate everything he does for our family, we are currenty saving for our wedding and other things in life, so he is working towards our future, which is the most endearing thing a man could do for me, and give me cuddles at night, which I also get. I'm a cancer so I need security, he is giving me this. Our life has been very balanced lately, because I have been making decisions around what I NEED to survive healthily without stress, because the stress IS unnecessary and not needed if we can balance life. WE have been doing a good job so far. He will often get up with the little one if he can in the mornings and give me a little sleep in, even an extra hour sometimes it enough. He will clean if I ask him, or do the dishes or do the washing. He helps out in every way he can in between those big shifts, so he is indeed a fantastic support when we need.
I do miss my mum and dad though. I miss them because I know they'd be here if we needed anything. I know we would be less stressed without them, however would we be as resilient? I do think we need this so that we don't become dependant on them and they are there when we need.
& we get no support from the other half's parents, so that's not even relevant ever.
Some days I feel like I am busting my ass for nothing, but I know that it will all be welcomed and appreciated and I get to wake up with a clean house, or dishes done, or washing done and it hasn's all overflowed and making me stressed. I am getting good sleep now, better at calming myself down. My adrenalin was off the grid for a while, my hormones were really unbalanced just from 8 months of lack of sleep, but getting the little one to drink more water has helped considerably.
My friend had a baby recently, he is only 8 weeks old, sometimes I think I'd love to have another babe close in age, but sometimes the thought frightens me. How would I get ANYTHING done?
We are better off for our life and what it is, I will not regret a single thing.
And hey we get to fly out to see my parents for a week and a half and I'm sure I'll get lots of babysitting!
Everything happens on it's own rhythm and rhyme and the circle of life goes on.
Tuesday, April 8, 2014
Emotions.
Something I will never do is hide emotions away. Sometimes I’m so exhausted I cry, I ball my eyes out and my baby looks at me and she touches me on my arm or she touches my face and I’m slightly healed because her love is enough for me to understand why i go through this exhaustion. Because one day that will be me, touching her, slightly healing her when a situation for her is not going the way she thought it would.
It’s okay to show emotions, that makes you real and I want her to know that life is real and emotions are a real thing in this world and not to be hidden away.
It’s okay to show emotions, that makes you real and I want her to know that life is real and emotions are a real thing in this world and not to be hidden away.
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