I had a huge emotional breakdown today.
I couldn't find anything that fit well.
I got shitty and cracked the shits.
I cried.
I sat on my bed in my underwear and shoes and cried.
I cried and cried.
We went to go to the shops because I did not want to be home anymore.
I cried some more.
I felt so hopeless..
But I know now what to do.
I WILL let go of my fears.
I WILL exercise everyday no matter what.
I WILL eat well and drink water, NO EXCEPTIONS!
I CANNOT go back to the way I was!
and I WILL NOT!
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Spirits & sprites
Last night we had a visitation from Kanes spirit guide. He was standing in the corner of our room. I was in bed and Kane was asleep on the couch. The energy was becoming so intense I had to get Kane. It is interesting because Kane will experience the spiritual visions and pictures, whereas I will experience conversation. At one stage I said to Kane, it's your spirit guide, isn't it? and he was definite it was. Kane experienced images such as the ocean and a world underneath it, another civilisation, and that 23 Jan 2012 would be a really big day and it's the next shift.... I could see kanes spirit guide as a big indian man with arms as wings that went around kane like a protector, he was floating above us for a while and that was a really nice feeling. I like him. He is also Kanes brother from a past life.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
ELectric energy!
On 18 Jan I could not sleep I could feel the electric energy all around me and going in and out of my skull.. Last night (19th Jan) my partner had the same thing, he slept on the couch as he was tossing and turning in bed and he saw lights flashing into the house (impossible as to where he was sleeping) and felt the same electric energy. So incredibly fascinating.
I also had a dream last night (19 Jan) which I believe was a past life, I was a white girl as apart of a very rich family and it was a time when black and white could not copulate, and I had lots of brothers and sisters, and my sister was in love with a black man, I went away and had a whole life away from the family, I remember I was a prostitute and lived in a poor area, I had american money though, I remember having lots of american money. I had left the family house because I was lost and didn't know my direction (which seems a pattern in my female past lives) My father married 2 or 3 times and I had lots of half brother and sisters. I had seen one of my brothers when I got back and he was very tall and I hugged him. It felt so real and I knew the house back to front in the dream. Eventually, I came back to the house to see my family and it was now okay for black and white to copulate, and my sister had married and had sons with the black man, I had also got married and had 2 children, boys. The last part of the dream is my 3 brothers mucking around but burning the house down at the same time.
I also had a dream last night (19 Jan) which I believe was a past life, I was a white girl as apart of a very rich family and it was a time when black and white could not copulate, and I had lots of brothers and sisters, and my sister was in love with a black man, I went away and had a whole life away from the family, I remember I was a prostitute and lived in a poor area, I had american money though, I remember having lots of american money. I had left the family house because I was lost and didn't know my direction (which seems a pattern in my female past lives) My father married 2 or 3 times and I had lots of half brother and sisters. I had seen one of my brothers when I got back and he was very tall and I hugged him. It felt so real and I knew the house back to front in the dream. Eventually, I came back to the house to see my family and it was now okay for black and white to copulate, and my sister had married and had sons with the black man, I had also got married and had 2 children, boys. The last part of the dream is my 3 brothers mucking around but burning the house down at the same time.
This is the beginning of change..
Some will not be ready to make the change. The biggest change of all generations. Some will perish, from their own hand, because the challenge is too heavy. This is reality. Look within yourself, at the changes you can make and you can do anything and be who you are at the core. We are humans with layers, this is true, layers of regret, past influences, past pain, emotional baggage, but we do not have to live with this, that is a choice. Do you wonder everyday who you are? What you are at your core? You CAN find this, you really have to break the darkness away. Will you make the choice to change? Or allow it to manifest inside you? Life is all about choice. As humans we can be happy, we can feel adjusted, we just need to forgive ourselves.It is time to take hold of those things you hold close, they are not important anymore, you have held on too long. I held onto 2 deaths for 12 years, it was too long, and time to let go. They are always with us, even if they have left this physical place.
Some read this and think I am mad. They do not want to change. They want to stay in the same mindset, because it is easier to do so. I made the choice because I know in all of my being that I had to change. It was time to rid of the emotional pain and torture that I tormented myself with everyday. It was time to learn why I was feeling so dark and hateful of myself. Bullying, death, grief, family problems, relationship problems, no-one is without baggage, it is whether we choose to deal with this baggage or stay in the same realm of thought.
However, if you choose to keep the baggage, you will slowly feel physical pain, your back will hurt from carrying all the baggage and other body parts will start to deteriorate. This is natural. We cannot, as humans, carry all of this emotional pain. In saying this, it is human nature to not want to get help, to want to stay in the deep dark depths of darkness. One day you may wake up and make that change, this will often happen after a major event or breakdown, and this is the chance you've waited for.
People around you will start to think you've gone insane. They will stop hanging around you because they want to stay in their own little world without any positive influence at all. They will manipulate others into thinking you're crazy and a bad person for the changes you make. You will start to be yourself at your core, honest, happy, positive. Your morals and values will start to show and some people around you will fear this. They will speak badly because you've changed, you're not the person they once knew, and you know what? Thankfully you have changed. Your life is more wholesome, more fulfilling, more encouraging and you don't wake up every morning wishing you were dead, what a horrible person you are!
In the end, you're better off without the negative surroundings, the people who only live a reality that is a facade, their life is not real, they wake up exhausted, because they are not resting when they sleep, their bodies weep out negative energy to all they are around, they have egos which overcompensate who they are at the core, they pretend to be someone else, they run away from everything in life rather than confront anything, they are misguided by their own negative self.
Finding a sense of self is a really big deal. It will be physically demanding for months, it is something that once you realise, you can NEVER go back, because living for yourself is the most beautiful gift you've ever received, from yourself. You stand for what you believe in finally and you are not going to go back under any circumstances. You will really start to see those around you who do not service you positively anymore and this is one of the hardest things to see and feel. You will lose patience and tolerance for those who cannot see good in themselves and good in their lives, they do not appreciate what they have and this is frustrating to someone whose life had changed.
This is our reality and we can do what we want with it, you just have to make the choice, do you want to live in the dark or the light? It really is that simple.
Some read this and think I am mad. They do not want to change. They want to stay in the same mindset, because it is easier to do so. I made the choice because I know in all of my being that I had to change. It was time to rid of the emotional pain and torture that I tormented myself with everyday. It was time to learn why I was feeling so dark and hateful of myself. Bullying, death, grief, family problems, relationship problems, no-one is without baggage, it is whether we choose to deal with this baggage or stay in the same realm of thought.
However, if you choose to keep the baggage, you will slowly feel physical pain, your back will hurt from carrying all the baggage and other body parts will start to deteriorate. This is natural. We cannot, as humans, carry all of this emotional pain. In saying this, it is human nature to not want to get help, to want to stay in the deep dark depths of darkness. One day you may wake up and make that change, this will often happen after a major event or breakdown, and this is the chance you've waited for.
People around you will start to think you've gone insane. They will stop hanging around you because they want to stay in their own little world without any positive influence at all. They will manipulate others into thinking you're crazy and a bad person for the changes you make. You will start to be yourself at your core, honest, happy, positive. Your morals and values will start to show and some people around you will fear this. They will speak badly because you've changed, you're not the person they once knew, and you know what? Thankfully you have changed. Your life is more wholesome, more fulfilling, more encouraging and you don't wake up every morning wishing you were dead, what a horrible person you are!
In the end, you're better off without the negative surroundings, the people who only live a reality that is a facade, their life is not real, they wake up exhausted, because they are not resting when they sleep, their bodies weep out negative energy to all they are around, they have egos which overcompensate who they are at the core, they pretend to be someone else, they run away from everything in life rather than confront anything, they are misguided by their own negative self.
Finding a sense of self is a really big deal. It will be physically demanding for months, it is something that once you realise, you can NEVER go back, because living for yourself is the most beautiful gift you've ever received, from yourself. You stand for what you believe in finally and you are not going to go back under any circumstances. You will really start to see those around you who do not service you positively anymore and this is one of the hardest things to see and feel. You will lose patience and tolerance for those who cannot see good in themselves and good in their lives, they do not appreciate what they have and this is frustrating to someone whose life had changed.
This is our reality and we can do what we want with it, you just have to make the choice, do you want to live in the dark or the light? It really is that simple.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
How I see the world.
I see the world so differently. Your drive for existance doesn't have to be to have a child. Yes we are here for procreation, however not everyone is here for that, some are here to die at 5 years old, some are here to serve different purposes, if we spend our whole lives being angry and pessimistic about one thing of our life we end up very sad lonely people. I've learnt that one the hard way. But I chose to put those things behind me as I could never move on without doing that, and I have.
You can't control everything in life.
Even though as humans we try our best to control everything, it's impossible and the more we try to control the more we lose control of ourselves and who we are. Best to let go and enjoy the adventure. Sure some of it sucks but nothing is going to be perfect, the sooner we as humans see that the sooner we reach a more positive existance.
You can't control everything in life.
Even though as humans we try our best to control everything, it's impossible and the more we try to control the more we lose control of ourselves and who we are. Best to let go and enjoy the adventure. Sure some of it sucks but nothing is going to be perfect, the sooner we as humans see that the sooner we reach a more positive existance.
Monday, January 9, 2012
Sweet Dreams?
I've been having these weird dreams.
They started on the 8th Jan. Admittedly it was a full moon on 9th at 6:30pm which IS in my star sign (Cancer)...the weirdest dreams though.
I dreamt that a man who looked like Kane shot me with a "ray gun". It didn't have bullets but was shooting me and changing me, no idea how/why etc.
I then dreamt 9th Jan that The same "kane" was tuning me like a radio and when he had tuned it it felt amazing energetically and was an incredible feeling....weird.
They started on the 8th Jan. Admittedly it was a full moon on 9th at 6:30pm which IS in my star sign (Cancer)...the weirdest dreams though.
I dreamt that a man who looked like Kane shot me with a "ray gun". It didn't have bullets but was shooting me and changing me, no idea how/why etc.
I then dreamt 9th Jan that The same "kane" was tuning me like a radio and when he had tuned it it felt amazing energetically and was an incredible feeling....weird.
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