28 weeks - third trimester update :)

This week! Have hit the third trimester running……not really, mostly sleeping :) Really on the home stretch now!

I’ve slept in the last couple days, have NOT felt like doing much, especially in the morning. I get more energy in the afternoon it seems. Brutal. Constipated as hell so have to sort that one out, because….in one word…OUCH! Bubs is rolling around so much in my belly it’s great, we’ve seen how lopsided she gets at times, it cracks us up, she is sitting really high. I’ve noticed my right ribs side hurts a fair bit when i try to sleep on my side and I’ve actually been laying a bit on my back when that happens….not sure if it’s baby bits or just crushed organs. I’ve had some Braxton Hicks this week, they are interesting. Not extremely terrible, but usually happen at night after I eat.

Looking forward to going to the obstetrician on 11th April as I’ve talked Kane into having a day off to come so he can hear the heartbeat again. Also going to book us in for a prep for childbirth/child class for the near future. Looking forward to my friends coming over this weekend from Adelaide :)

Life is magical & amazing, even when I have no energy & the baby does weird jerky kicks I am still so blessed to have experienced this and I can’t wait to meet my little girl :)
So many milestones come up for me in the next couple weeks!
My friends visit this weekend, then I’m on a weeks uni holidays which will be spent chilling & writing assignments & attending the OBS appt, then my parents drop by for the weekend - driving all the baby gear from the baby shower up end of April, then we hit the final weeks of pregnancy & the end of uni at the end of May, then JUNE! - Bubs’s EDD & my birthday :)
Countdown to the baby is go! 9 weeks til full term & 12 weeks til EDD :)

The Empath life.

It's tiring being an empath and being able to hear what people are thinking and feel what they are feeling. Energy of others can be really important to how we react/think/feel ourselves.I can often feel how someone else is feeling even a complete stranger, or I get a string of events in pictures in my head, or a story/backstory of a soul or a person, without even knowing them. The worst is the people I do know, when my partner is in a foul mood energetically it really effects me. It can really mess up my energy, no matter how good and send me in a spin, because Im not expecting it. I am so sensitive to energies everywhere that sometimes it's really hard to deflect them, but in that way I am meant to feel them because it can teach me something.

 It's also something you can switch off, but for me it's either switch it completely off or completely on and I do like to know I'm still connected to whatever force is driving it. I also have dreams that are psychic or futuristic. These happen all the time and can often tell me what will happen in my future or something I need to know. These dreams are the ones I ALWAYS remember. There's NO forgetting them and there's a definitive knowing of what is important and what isn't when it comes to dreams for me now. There are times I can hear what my partner is thinking. Sometimes it is us laying in bed and I can hear the thoughts looping over in his head. An example is when he was starting a new job he was freaking out about it, I could feel/hear his mind looping over the thoughts that he hopes he will be good enough and do a good job.

I often don't even tell him I can feel/hear it and I will just give him a hug. Sometimes the energy is like a hurricane and he is looping thoughts over so much it just drives me insane and I get upset and even I can't communicate how I'm feeling about it. It can be really hard, but I ALWAYS know what's going on, it's kind of creepy. It helps in fights though, if he is being stubborn and is saying I'm being attacking or having a go at him, I can be like 'Ok just stand there, concentrate and how is your energy right now?' and he will often be like......'really chaotic, shit I'm sorry' and he will realise that he is in fact the one who was being the attacking person without realising, however taking it as a defensive position so he felt better about himself at a time when he felt negative and unworthy for whatever reason. It's interesting because he often doesn't realise how huge his energy actually is and I have to remind him all the time how damn infectious his energy can be. It can really play into how we interact, if I feel he is off, sometimes I will ask him what's up?

Sometimes I just don't have the energy myself to get into it, and sometimes I know I have to let it go until he realises. I am always able to get direction which helps. He internalises so much that it can make it really hard to get him to externalise, however being able to read him helps so much with that, because most of the time I can be like 'Ok so this is exactly what you are thinking and feeling and you need to get more confidence and love yourself more and not feel so weak willed' or something like that. He has behavioural patterns which are really easy to read too, and even cognitive patterns like catastrophic thoughts or unconscious thoughts that are occurring and he doesn't even know. We don't fight often, but when we do it's because we are really off the same energy fields and we are grating against each other. Externalising communication helps, which of course is something I've had to teach him, since it wasn't something he learnt at home.
Sometimes I can feel/think through photos too. I can see a photo and know what has happened to that person/hear their story through a message/see images that represent where they've been/where their soul has been.
Sometimes I can just feel it from energy. I had a lady come and sit next to me at uni and I could feel her 'knowing it all' energy but there was also an insecurity there. So she was shoving this egotistic energy of knowing everything and really what is she there for, she knows everything! energy but that was just to cover up the energy which was more of 'holy shit how am I going to do this in a career?' It's much more interesting when you can do it with a complete stranger, because it honestly becomes so second nature that you forget it's happening, until you feel it from someone you don't know at all and then you're like, wow that's incredible.

Being connected to the spiritual world is a fascinating one, sometimes really hard to work out whether you are just crazy, but most of the time, especially when you have friends who are also spiritual who can identify the same things that you can, you realise that you are just naturally psychic. I have a few friends now who I have become in contact with some way or another and it's so great to be able to talk about that stuff and not feel subjected to feeling like you have to internalise it all. I am lucky though because my Mum is also very spiritual so that has been interesting.

When my grandma was passing away in July, my mum and I had a huge spiritual connection. We both felt the same things on different days, Grandma was really sick and they couldn't do surgery as she was too old and frail so she went into palliative care, where they inject you with painkillers so you slowly pass away peacefully and pain free. It took Grandma 6 days to pass away slowly, and she passed away on the exact same day Grandpa did 13 years earlier, their funeral was on the same day and time and at the same place too.

We both felt my Grandpa there at different times in the room, we felt her son who was a stillbirth in the room at different times. i was able to pass on information of what stage of passing away Grandma was at. At one point she was moving her feet laying in bed and I was able to pass on that she was walking. Another friend of Mums whose father had passed away in palliative care had actually experienced her dad speaking the whole way through the painkillers and the passing. So at every point he got to 'walking' he spoke to a different person and whilst laying in the hospital bed slowly dying they could hear his conversations! Absolutely incredible stuff!

We also had a moment one morning where my mum was getting ready to go down to the hospital and I had woken up as I heard her up. She was mumbling to herself about what cd to get. I asked her what was up and she said she started brushing her teeth and she said my grandpa was bugging her to get a certain cd (my grandpa died july 1999) and I was laughing at her because she kept saying 'Can i finish brushing my teeth first please?' I could feel him bugging her and he was telling her what crystals to take to the hospital to help grandma pass easily and energetically. It was an amazing moment where we both felt/heard him. Mum had shut him out since he died, but he found his way back in when he needed to!

Through ideologies ...

Through ideologies that the 'normal social order' lives by, it becomes more and more clear everyday, I live to push everything that may seem normal to others. Learning today about how some academics, including Foucault and Kuhn talk about the 'paradigm shifts' and certain 'eureka' moments where you suddenly have a new idea or breakthrough, but they choose not to touch the area of 'HOW' this happens.
Interesting that this is still something that stays put when it comes to theories, but in the end I do believe it's to do with INTUITION and in the end how measurable is intuition? A gut feeling, something that you FEEL? I even brought intuition up, as it's something that I use daily to structure a happiness in my life and it was agreed by everyone that it's really interesting as to why they hadn't researched further and just let it be that these moments will happen and that paradigm shifting is just something that occurs without the complete academic understanding or knowledge (and they thought they knew everything?) I really love that this is becoming an ideology that underpins Social Work taught at university, that it's not just theory and practice, AND the reminder that it WILL take time to build up your skills and 'find your place', also push for change, push for challenge, push against a social order, because if you don't, how do we have new theories, new practices? Instead of JUST spending our time IDOLISING the start of post modern views/theories.

Just ranting because I can

Reflecting a lot lately, which comes with a couple shifts.
I really realise a few things about why Kane and I are where we are today.

I experienced a lecturer speaking of how we really haven't changed from the 1800's to now 2013- mostly on the topic of radicalism and change and how we STILL in this day and age fear change and if you want to push change or challenge others with different ideals/values/beliefs it is STILL seen as a radical view just because it's different to a social 'norm' construct.

The amount of times that Kane & I have a long reflective/intuitive conversation/vent and then how often it futuristically (possibly not even a word) becomes truth is becoming more and more obvious in day to day life. It's so incredible how we see the world now (compared to when we first met) and how everything seems to fall into place without much except self belief and value....which then creates an action we aren't physically in control of. It definitely helps increase in happiness and appreciation for everything in life, however in the end we can only be thankful to ourselves for the confidence we assume, and radiate, because without that we'd probably still be in Adelaide bumming around with no goals, hopes or dreams cemented and actually enjoyable in life.

I absolutely LOVE my new university so far, it's MUCH more interactive and informative than any lecture/lecturer tutorial/tutor I had at UniSA - with exception of one class I did enjoy whilst there. There is MUCH less confusion and MUCH more understanding of students and what we are there for and what we NEED to learn to construct what SOCIAL WORK is for US and how different it can be for everyone, since we will all go into different career paths and all have different cultures, religions, social constructs, values, beliefs, hopes and dreams to each other. I did NOT find that in the 3 years I spent at UniSA. They were sensitive to different 'people' but very little flexibility to what was taught and how it was taught and I found it to be MUCH more structurall/regimented/institutionally based, without ANY ability to move or talk about anything other than the coursework.

Also with Kane's confidence, self belief and realisations of his past work all being completely credible to what work he can do in Melbourne, already in LESS than a year - he had landed two theatre roles, and when they ended in the last 5 weeks, he has since acquired 2 casual jobs in a similar industry and had another call for a possible full time role yesterday, which would feed so many sides of creative levels, so fingers crossed on that one!

Without the move we have made, we don't believe we would have grown to the extent we have, it would have been hard to be happy with what we had as we both thrive on challenges in life and change to motivate us. Kane would definitely not have had the same positivity surrounding him with employment, as he was trying to get into these exact roles for 3 years in Adelaide, and without the challenge of the move, us being apart for 9 months, being away from family and friends and having to create his own contacts and start 'new', neither of us would be where we are today.

We got some flack for wanting to move, because for some reason people seem to defend Adelaide, like moving interstate was such a bad thing? Like we were abandoning people/Adelaide etc - yet for 3 years finding work was impossible for Kane in the industry he was happy in, that he should have just worked any job he got because well other people do that right? The defending of the music culture in Adelaide was another common conversation, which is another thing that his life revolves around, is so different here, with MUCH more variety and a population that enjoys the more 'niche' genres and music that he creates/enjoys. There are many things we moved here for and even now going back to Adelaide, we both just don't have the same inspiration or energy we feel in Melbourne and OF COURSE it is different for everyone. YOU may be happy in Adelaide, but we weren't, why can't people just accept that and move on? Why would our 'friends' try to keep us in a city that no longer works for us on so many levels? It definitely baffled me. Moving here has been sublime! I ended up just having to walk away, but I never did understand the thinking behind it.

Kane & I aren't the kind of people who went from high school to university, we didn't buy a house, we didn't buy a car, we didn't get married before we decided to have a child, we have worked in possibly the most backwards way in life, HOWEVER we would both agree wholeheartedly that for us, we had to experience what we did, learn those lessons before we could 1. stumble across each other 2. grow in our relationship 3. grow individually and 4. keep a level of humble and happy attitude. I really don't think we'd be where we are now, if we had not bloomed later than most and learnt those things earlier on in life. but you know what? We've got there in the end and we are happy enough with that! Of course there's NOTHING wrong with doing the opposite to what we've experienced, but personally for both of us, it would not have worked.

After reflecting enough for today, I do believe, you need to constantly challenge yourself and if you want those around you so you are constantly moving into different directions. If you stay stagnant, you will become bitter, cynical and fearful of any change and this will impact on all happiness and enjoyment of life. Life is about making decisions, choices, challenges, different experiences, failures, flaws, pasts, presents, futures, fears and without living for every day as it is, and loving ourselves, we really are missing out on the more content path where life will flow much more and positively.

It really makes me how social 'norm' constructed we are not and how okay we are with that.

Guided meditation & chakras are soooo good!

So I havent done a guided meditation for a while. I really don't often feel I need it, as pregnancy often keeps me balanced, but how wrong I was!

I started tuning into some meditation frequencys to see what areas weren't working too well as I have been feeling extremely low and fatigued the last two days due to a shift. I feared that if I didn't do something to clear my dense energy I wouldn't even get to uni today as I am SO incredibly exhausted!

I started with my root chakra, which I instantly felt my bones easing and my body cracking and feeling more at ease, it was very clear that needed some clearing. I then went into the scaral chakra, which didn't need as much work, but the solar plexus! Wow what a change, I could feel my tummy get an icky feeling which was soon relieved, it's amazing how much I forget I still do need to do these meditations to keep myself cleared.
Next was the heart chakra, This area is always one of my strongest and didn't feel like it needed much work but I will still work on it for a while.

26 weeks!

26 weeks this week!
So many awesome moments for this week!
2 weeks off third trimester, first obstetrician appt, DOWN to double digits of countdown to 99 days tomorrow!
So we have 14 weeks left!
10 weeks til the end of uni, then I'll be able to concentrate on the end of the pregnancy thank goodness.
Uni is becoming tiring, I can deal with it because to be honest study doesn't drain me THAT much and I am loving Victoria university and loving the subjects I'm doing, but I do get to the point where my ankles hurt from swelling up so much!
and the heat is killing me at the moment as we only have 2 fans in our house and no airconditioning.

Life is amazing though, ups and downs or not, it's still incredible!

We've hit 25 weeks pregnant!

It's a girl :)