Cycles.

I am really upset. As of 30 minutes ago I turned 28. My last conversation of being 27 was with my Mother who to be honest was not really interested in having a conversation. I will be completely alone for the day of my 28th birthday, because I am sick and my partner lives in Melbourne. Honestly, I am upset and disappointed. It would be nice if I had some support, especially on what is meant to be a happy day but is now going to be alone except for my cats. I have asked to at least have them drop by, but have had no reply. My parents are like that. Sometimes they are really supportive and sometimes they only think of themselves. Probably a defense mechanism. I am stressing myself out again and my joints are killing me, my whole body is killing me. I am at home alone, and therefore have to cook for myself, clean for myself and do my washing, this all becomes very painful. How am I meant to relax and rest when I have all of this to do because I am alone? Cats can only help with emotional support and cuddles, but they aren't there for household chores. It hurts. I really needed support and I thought that for one day I could get it, especially from a family that are usually quite supportive and communicative. I feel so alone that I wonder what's the fucking point? I'd never do anything as I see everything as a lesson, and I probably shouldn't have exploded tonight with tears but I just lost it. I got annoyed at my partner because he wasn't listening to me and I was already pissed off my own Mother was fobbing me off on the phone. Now he's pissed off with me and as much as I did feel upset at the time, I was frustrated at him not listening. It's a long time of not listening. It has been an issue in the past and it just popped up again and became an increased frustration. He says can't I call on someone? Who? I've got friends who are already doing as much as they can for me, what else can I expect? Unfortunately I am not going to ask someone to come look after me, I honestly thought my parents would think a little harder, but I honestly wonder whether they think I'm not that bad, or something as they haven't actually witnessed the joint swelling... I really see Kanes "alien' side when he's like this too. He can't connect with me and I can feel that it has been happening for a while now... he cannot comprehend what it is like to be human and have emotions and be empathetic at all. Our conversation goes back and forth of him feeling he can't connect and can't help me and I'm constantly putting out energy to ground him....yet I am doing the same fucking thing when I'm asking for some support....so it just never ends. Sometimes I'd almost rather just to be alone than to deal with this. I know it's getting me ready for some serious intense living, but wow what a heartbreaking time, for us both. To feel so disconnected from your soulmate, who you know you will be with no matter what for this lifetime, because he is alien and you are earth rooted, is incredible. I'm not even angry at him, I'm not even disappointed, I'm just trying to get him to understand that he is going to go through this cycle over and over again until he really does start listening to his intuition, because that's why he's in this lifetime, having to learn the same thing over and over again. I also know in my heart he will come over to Adelaide for my birthday and make me feel better and make me feel loved. This is just such a hard time for us. I'm glad he's over there though. I know these lessons are to be learned. Now I must go tend to these emotionally painful joints.