Defenseless

I put up my defense shield
I find it hard to speak to you
I berrate you
I don't mean to
My mouth is my core enemy

I'm scared of liking you
so I act mean
I know it doesn't make sense
but it's the way I cope
unfortunately.

I make fun of you
but I really want you
I wish you were mine
everlasting
love is a fever.

I dream of you
I can still taste you on my lips
You were such a caring lover
I miss your smile
the way you laugh at my jokes.

I failed because I lied
I pushed you away
that was the furtherest thing
i ever wanted
I'm sorry to myself for that.

I hate myself for hiding
the facade is my favourite friend
it's the only way i face the day
Who am i?
who knows.


I wish I was everything in your eyes
I wish you dreamt of me when you slept
tasted me on your lips
held me in your arms every night
the one thing i wish for daily
welcome to my life.