As parents, we are in a position to be telling children what to and what not to do, however letting them be who they are. Parents are the childrens model, ACT LIKE IT!
Luckily for me I was brought up by a mother who had more in her life than regiment and wanted to have fun and instill this in her children. She knew that if she stopped my big, bright, creative, imaginative personality I would just hate her later in life. Thank goodness she in no way detrimented me from being who I am as alot of my writing has assumed a creative role.
As catastropical some occurances in my life have been, the lessons that I have learnt, whether they be mistakes or not, have been something I would not be without. It made my awakening transition easier and much more special. No I did not find God I did not suddenly see the light. I just knew inside that the person I was trying to hide with any suppressent I could find, was in fact me all along .I found if I stopped the addiction, I could still be confident, the alcohol only made me depressed and did not actually help me in anyway. I could still be myself, I could still be charasmatic, creative, imaginative. I could still be me, Rachel.
The more doubt that is instilled into children about what they fear and are not to fear, the more they will struggle with who they are and what and who they present in life and on earth.
As one who is still partial to mental illness, I can recognise now that it is a choice. I chose to be sad, upset and depressed. The ego presents itself into the unconscious mind and it is all you can incur into your life and everything you are. Without this ego, you will be happy, positive and able to motivate yourself to do something you told yourself for so long you could not do.
Now don't think I'm not speaking from experience, I have spent 10 years feeling this hopelessness. In the end I thought anti-depressents were the way, yet I now know that happiness is MY choice in life. Even on anti-depressents I became depressed because I was not motivated, I was crying all the time. I soon realised I could not rely on tablets to make me happier, it was all about me and what I did to be able to smile.
Honestly, all I needed was my own positive environment. I started "colouring my life". I used yellows, greens, red in my room. I started expressing my creativity with photography, painting canvases. I am not a great artist but just to splash paint on a canvas made me forget my worries. I sewed to my hearts content, I messed my room up with all sorts of stuff, but it didn't matter. I was happy. I still lay in bed, unable to go to sleep, I still have worries in my head at present, but nothing is as bad as waking up in the middle of the night in a hot sweat, with a panic attack and not knowing how to stop it. It is all a choice. One who is depressed would tell me I'm wrong, because when you are depressed you feel that it is the ONLY way of life.
Hey after 10 years did you think I wanted to put the effort in to change my ways? I realised I needed routine to be happy and busy. Otherwise I would get into a shocking sleeping pattern, eating pattern, lazy pattern. Depressed people fear happiness. The majority of people out there fear being themselves. So anyone who is upset, sad, depressed you are not alone. The person sitting next to you on the train more than likely has some issue stuffed deep down which is stopping them from being what they really want to be in life. People fear happiness. It sounds silly but it is more than true.People are too partial to yelling and hating and judging than just loving, caring, giving. It is easier to live on your own little island than to actually care about someone else and be hurt.
I look around me and I know I do live in quite a lower class area, but I do not understand why people can't do simple things in life. I understand children model off their parents. That comes to the point that if you don't want children for any other reason than to love for them, care for them, teach them and learn from them, DON'T HAVE CHILDREN. If you can't even afford to eat/clothe/wash yourself DON'T HAVE CHILDREN. Why would you want a child if you live in selfish world? Alcoholics, drug addicts, there is NO doubt they are selfish. SELFLESS people have children. They want to give their child everything, they would die to protect them. It makes me sick that people have children when they can't even WASH, or wash their clothes, or even BE HYGENIC!
The amount of people who I walk past who smell like urine, or haven't washed their clothes for years. COME ON PEOPLE, YOUR CHILDREN ARE LEARNING FROM YOU. I am not one who loves fashion, needs to be fashionable, I do not declare to be the most social, and I am definately not superficial but my goodness, HOW hard is it to wash. I have BEEN in a VERY poor position. I have had to wash my clothes at a laundromat. I have eaten noodles and chicken stock. I have MADE MY OWN BREAD. So what? I didn't have a child, I didn't get a dog, or a cat, and treat them with NEGLECT. I looked after myself and that was it. I made sure I had essentials and okay I spiralled into depression, but even with NO credentials, I found somewhere to live. I had no bed, I asked around and someone provided me with a mattress. I had a housewarming, people gave me gifts, Bless them! I didn't have the best clothes and I wore the same things over and over again, but I did it. HOW DO YOU PEOPLE NOT DO IT?
I heard a 30ish woman complaining that she still had no housing trust house after 14 years. Well you have a son, you seem to be finely clothed, you have somewhere to live, tell me again why you need housing trust? I mean come on, you DONT NEED it, you want handouts. These people shit me off. I was an alcohol for 10 years. I have an addictive personality, yet I always worked, I studied and I am noW attending uni. I don't get everything I want, I've had to fend for myself, yet I'm still there. I am not in some high class. I am middle class and I work for everything I have. Why do people think that they need handouts to be something? People think that they are not good enough, think positive, love yourself and good things will come to you. Sounds like bullshit? I AM PROOF.
If anyone tells me they can't do something, I won't even answer, I was once told by my mentor at TAFE that I could do anything, she was right.
BELIEVE IN YOURSELF!!!!! YOU CAN DO ANYTHING YOU SET YOUR MIND TO!!
and... smile at everything, you will soon realise the beauty in everything around you.
No comments:
Post a Comment