Every day I find it harder and harder to actually try to stop my intellect from taking over. I find it harder and harder to be able to just feel, be, without thinking. This will get easier, I know Mother Earth is just tuning and tuning and we will eventually feel at a state of unity consciousness.
Today I had immense anxiety. I had to see a job capacity assessor and they would work out how capable I was to work. I find this interesting. As a person who has suffered from anxiety and depression for 11 years, making me go to one of these kind of "meetings" is the most nerve racking events in my life. I feel instantly judged and almost humiliated, weak and embarrassed. Those are common feelings/emotions that come with anxiety. It's hard enough for me to leave the house some days, let alone be assessed on how work able you are.
So, I was telling the assessor that I was willing to work, I want to work, I want to get to a point where I can work again. I don't want to live like this. This is my most non-favourite way of living. I went through 2 years of being able to not worry about feeling like this and it has only recently come back.
A few months ago I was in chronic back pain. I did not realise then that it was in fact my anxiety that was causing this. Today when I was having severe panic attacks, almost to the point that I couldn't breathe, my muscles tensed up so hard that I was in incredible body pain. Not only that but I lost my appetite and my stomach felt hard. I have been in incredible physical and emotional pain today. Just because I had to go to an appointment.
That is how crippling anxiety can be. Not just mentally, but physically.
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