So....

So... death was brought up again last night. I felt very anxious about going to the memorial for Beth. Just because I knew it would bring up a lot of feeling I wasn't sure if I was ready for, having been so sick and having run out of energy. It had been a month and I unconsciously kept thinking about her, let alone going to a memorial for her, bringing up all the pain again. I made the biggest mistake by having a couple drinks, and feeling it today, in the pains of my stomach. On the flip side, I got to see my friends, who I love and talk to them about various things. Everyone is so different, but one thing that makes us all one is our ego and how it can drive us to complete despair. More than 10 people in that room last night had seriously mental illness that could drive them to do what Beth did. I realised last night how much I do want to help people, how calming I could be and say the right things without needing to be too forceful and I actually helped.