Flame Trees

I remember all the people who have left Earth that made an impact on my life today.

I had a friend when I was 15, Jarrod Boorer. Jarrod helped me from being bullied at school and we had the same taste in music. I only got to know Jarrod in year 9 when he was driving with a mate and they crashed and Jarrod died. That was really hard to understand.

Only a couple months later, my beloved grandfather died. My grandfather was an amazing man. Wesley Walter George was his name. My grandpa used to play the most beautiful piano. He was a lecturer at one stage and I remember him being a jolly man. He had a big belly and loved playing santa at Christmas time. Grandpa used to help us with our homework and was very loving towards us. I remember Grandpa used to be the head of the family, at the dinner table and everything else. He was so chilled out though and would sit and just be quiet most of the time. Grandpa didn't like cats but my cat used to love sitting on his lap!

Grandpa was always warm hearted and never hurt us or anything. He was the most loving grandpa I could have ever had in my life. I loved going to visit my grandparents and when I found out he had a stroke one morning, I couldn't believe it. I woke up and I was shocked my parents had let us sleep in as it was 10am. I went into my parents room and I saw my dad sitting at the end of his bed. I asked what was wrong and I think he was really quiet and was having trouble speaking. He told me to wake up my brothers and so I did. He then told us Grandpa had a stroke that morning and wasn't waking up. I don't think I grieved for him for about 10 years.

I honestly did not know how to understand death at all for all of that time. Grandpa never woke up. As much as I sat with him, holding his hand and trying to get him to wake up in tears, he never did. His funeral was beautiful and I remember my father breaking down. My mother did not want to believe it had happened and touched the coffin, not wanting it to be real. There were so many things we did not get to say to him.. even just goodbye.

I did not have to face death for a very long time after my Grandpa died.

Last year in May, my Uncle John died of prostate cancer. Uncle John's death shook me a little. Not as much as the others, as I had cleaned my act up, stopped drinking (which had lasted 10 years) and was looking at life differently.

I still had problems with death, but not as much as when I was younger. The funeral was beautiful and not religious and really helped me say goodbye. I did not get to see Uncle John in his latter days as I had lived in Perth, but he was one of those family friends who'd have dropped anything for us.

I am just glad he got to meet his grandson, even if it wasn't for long. We were glad he had left this Earth as he was so incredibly sick and tired all the time from the cancer.

Only a month ago a close friend, Bethany, committed suicide. This has been the hardest death to cope with. It still is hard to deal with. Hard to understand. Hard to act. Hard to get on with life. So many questions unanswered.

Jarrod's death had rocked me as a teenager and I could never get any answers for why he had to die so young, but I did not know him as well as I knew Beth.

Grandpa was 74 and as much as he left my Grandma who is still living to this day, nearly 11 years later, he had lived an amazing life, had amazing kids and grandchildren.

Uncle John had died at 50. Having lived a longer life as well and getting to meet his grandson, he had accomplished so much, but Beth's death, at 24, really shook me.

It's still hard to speak about her in past tense.